What I'm Supposed to be Doing

I'm supposed to be updating my resume and submitting it on a job site. 

I'm supposed to be doing my taxes. 

I'm supposed to be riding.

Instead?  I'm looking at furniture online and writing a blog post.

Help!

Backyard Nuclear Reactor

I just finished reading The Radioactive Boy Scout by Ken Silverstein.  It's subtitled "the true story of a boy and his backyard nuclear reactor".   Fascinating book - but frightening at the same time.  Frightening because of how close the boy was to creating a model of a nuclear breeder reactor and how it was pure dumb luck that led to his being caught.   Fascinating because it was a teenage boy who was able to get all of the radioactive chemicals he needed for his experiments.  Frightening for me, even after the fact, because many of the events took place in the town where I was living.

Highly recommended even though it had been sitting on my shelf since 2005.

Has It Really Been Two Weeks?

Yup.  

I haven't wanted to think about fibromyalgia lately.  My experience with the Fibromyalgia and Fatigue Center ended in a strange way.  Business model changes meant my doctor was no longer with the organization and the doctor taking over the patients in the practice was one I had seen years before with no real success.  I felt stranded but since I was in a good place physically, I thought I'd get along with the support I've been getting from my primary care doctor.  I had made significant changes in my diet.  I started exercising.  The medication and supplement regime I was on seemed to be working. The weather was doing it's part to cooperate.  All good.

I fell off the food wagon beginning with Halloween.  I stopped taking my supplements.  Still, I was cruising along when little things started happening - my skin broke out, I noticed more morning stiffness and more IBS symptoms.  Then work stress hit - layoffs, medical leaves and a resignation have left us with half the people we had at the end of the last year.  A fibro flare hit. 

I wonder how much of the flare would have been preventable.  If I had been more diligent with self-care, would I be in less pain now?  Why is it so hard to behave in ways that make me feel better?  Sure, cookies and fast food are great but are they worth pain?

On a happier note, thanks to Crate and Barrel and my habit of saving all of the $5 bills I get during the course of the year, I am now the proud owner of the Kavari 57" media-storage console.  It looks beautiful in my living room.  It's great to get to the stage in life when you can buy and own grown-up furniture!

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Read the shelf project update: 

I just finished Only Pack What You Can Carry by Janice Holly Booth.  It wasn't at all what I expected, but an example of how the right book appears or, in this case, gets read, at the perfect time for the reader.  Some travel but mostly thoughts on courage and commitment.

One down, 51 more to go.

Setting the Compass to True North

My step-sister, S, posted on Facebook that today would be a good day for no reason other than the fact that she was setting her compass.  I love that analogy so I'm stealing it!

I've been floundering, trying to get back on track.  Well, tracks go around in a circle.  Forget getting on track!  I'm hitting the trails instead.  This year is all about exploration - exploring good mental, physical and financial health, career options, learning opportunities, creativity, relationships, and fun.  One step forward at a time, checking the compass regularly so I don't get lost.




As a side note, I've always thought that if I were ever to get another horse and had the wherewithal to show again, his show name would be True North.  Cool, huh?

Tough Week for Resolutions

It was a tough week for resolutions.  The new year seems like it should be a fresh start but when you (meaning me) are already in a semi-burnout state, it feels like slogging through heavy mud for every small step forward instead of tiptoeing through the tulips in giant leaps and bounds.

I did track my eating all week which made a difference as a big chunk of holiday weight gain fell off.  Hooray.  Next week's Weight Watchers' weigh in should find me back near where I was pre-holiday season.

Not much time for reading so the book a week schedule is already off.  I did read about half of the first book so catch up is possible.

I'm torn on saving this week.  The media center I've wanted for four years is on sale.  I have the cash to pay for it but ... There were big layoffs at work this week and while I knew things were not good, I didn't expect the degree of the cuts.  I'm torn between adding the money directly to my savings account and getting the media center.  Being grown up and responsible is very, very hard.

The layoffs also made me want to hunker down and hide at home.  I emailed a couple of friends and reached out to one of my colleagues who was part of the cut but personal interaction?  Not so much.

This is the first writing I've done all week unless you count the two work memos I wrote.  I'm inclined to count them because I couldn't believe how hard it was to start them.  Shifting this creative block is going to be tricky.

I've been thinking about my resolutions and how narrow they are compared to where I want to be with health, career, finances, relationships, creativity and living a big life.  Small steps are OK, right?