I had some grand plans to relaunch my blog but since I haven't written anything in almost six months, it seems safer to sneak back and do a furtive post or two and see what happens.
I blame my job for my lack of creative energy. Working full time with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue is not easy. Working 50 to 60 hours a week at a job you don't like is not for any sane person. So here I am - an insane, exhausted lump of what used to be a human being.
There are a lot of reasons why my job isn't ideal but I'm saving that litany for another time. What matters is that my job isn't ideal. What scares me is that I have no idea what to do next.
I do know that I can't keep this up for much longer. I'm back in that horrible cycle where I drive to work, I work, I drive home from work, I eat, I sleep. That's literally it until I get to do it all again the next day. The other day I went to the library after work. It felt like a trip to Paris. I spend weekends on the couch trying to recover and gather energy for another work week. I've ridden six times in the last two months. What's worse, I haven't been able to concentrate enough to finish reading a book in even longer.
Plus I hate how whiny, bitter and miserable I've become.
At the beginning of the year, I chose three words as intentions for the new year: happy, healthy and connected. Living that way doesn't seem possible but not living that way will ruin me.
So I'm going to turn my life around. I'm not sure how I'll do that but it starts with a focus on my intentions. And maybe a new job.
Stay tuned. A post on my progress may be coming. In another six months.
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